Toast

So… I have this obnoxious friend *B*, she won’t leave me alone! Recently she asked me what the restrictions and stuff is on cartilage piercings are because she wants one, even though she’s got less of a pain tolerance than I do, and I told her what I’ve told everyone else who wanted to know, thirteen years old, turn it three times a day, clean it twice a day, and she went and got it done.

Why? Because she has to have everything I have! It’s now infected!  (Hers, not mine.)  And when she got her cartilage done on her left side, she got her ear lobes pierced as well, so now we have the same freaking piercings, because she’s freaking obsessed with me!

And on top of that, she won’t leave me alone about Oireachtas, and my mom is rushing to make my dress, and I told her not to worry about it and please take her time with it, but if she doesn’t get it done *B* will start telling everyone what a horrible mom I have because she couldn’t get it done in time. When she has no idea how much time and effort these things take, and they can’t just be done overnight like she thinks they can.

I’m really sorry your mom can’t sew, I’m really sorry that your mom has no talent other than shoving things down her throat and laying on her back.  Okay, maybe not everything goes down her throat. She got pregnant with YOU after all.

That’s mean of me.  Mean Missy.  Bad Missy.  >.<

I wish people weren’t so horrible.

I wish people didn’t get happy because other people are suffering.

I wish SOME people understood that I’ve been through a lot more than they have, and need to stop thinking they have been through more.

They should be GRATEFUL for what they do have instead of just taking it all for granted. People don’t appreciate what they have when they have it, they appreciate it after it leaves. They have a brother that is still alive, they have a grandma that is still alive, yet they think that their life has been way worse than mine. I lost my little brother in 1999, it still kills me to think about that, I lost something that great in my life, and these people around me say “Oh well I’ve been through way more”.

No, you haven’t, you didn’t have to sit there in that funeral home and ask “Mommy, where’s Sammy? Why are people crying?” and have your own mother tell you that Sammy went to a better place. You will never be through more pain than I went through.

I was four years old, and yet I still remember that day like it just happened yesterday. You still have a brother, you still have a grandmother, and yet YOU take them for granted, YOU act like you can walk all over them and take stuff from them, these people that you say that you LOVE, but when they turn their backs you can just see the blood from the knives you’ve stuck in them.

Talk to me after you stand there and watch your Grandma die in a bed right in front of you.  Talk to me when you stand there and watch every breath getting lighter and her skin getting colder and you keep telling yourself  “she’s probably already in Heaven, she’s not hurting, she’s not in that body now,” but all you want is to jump in that bed and hug her and warm her up and make her not die.

You haven’t seen a living creature die right before your eyes, you won’t cry like I did when Willy or Jake died. You haven’t ever had a living creature die right in your hands, I have twice, you haven’t ever seen your favorite animal go into the vet half dead hoping for a cure of some sort and two seconds later they come out without him saying “I’m so sorry but your hamster passed away”.

You think it’s funny to see people get hurt. You think it’s funny to see people lose something so great in their life. Well I hope it happens to you sometime, because when it does, then maybe you’ll get some discipline into your system and some hurt into your system, and maybe, just maybe, you won’t be a miserable spoiled little BRAT.

Oh, and just for the record, you should understand you will never be happy, you will never be me, just because I’m happy with the things I do does NOT mean that you will be happy doing the things I do. You need to become your own person to find happiness, if you do that, you MIGHT have a little bit of a chance to not continue the path you’ve chosen to go down. You will NEVER have any of those experiences because you aren’t a real person. You can’t cry, because you have no heart.

You can bite me.