People don’t dance because it’s fun. Ask any dancer, most of them hate it, but they couldn’t imagine their life without it. It’s part of them, the love-hate relationship. It’s what they live for, they live for the practices, parties, long car rides, championships, fake tanner, countless pairs of shoes, wigs, water, gatorade, and teachers you hate but appreciate. They live for the way it feels when they beat the competitors in their competition, and knowing that those three extra steps that they danced in practice were worth it. They live for the way they become a family with their school, they live for the countless songs they sing in their head while training all those hours. They live for the competition, the friends, the practices, the memories, the pain, it’s who they are.
What I want
I posted a status on Facebook saying that it’s hard to wait for something you want. Well, I’ve been trying to hide it, kind of… But here it is.
I want a tattoo.
Yes.
I want one.
No, I don’t care what the fuck you say.
It’s my body, and I want it.
It means something to me.
I’ve always wanted this tattoo.
But the placement was inspired by a video game.
It’s a barcode.
On the back of my neck. (Instead of on the back of the head, like Agent 47)
I know it’s going to hurt like hell, especially because of the placement.
But I want it.
941611, the date of my birth, 11-16-94.
04, I was the fourth born.
01, 2001, when I started dance.
44, because my favorite number is 4.
Altogether, 941611-040144.
And a barcode, that scans, and it’s actually linked to the number, so when you scan it, those numbers pop up.
Code-128, if you’re wondering.
My mom is going to let me do it.
I’m between two shops.
Monkey Bones, and Glenn Scott’s Kettering shop.
Why am I between two?
‘Cause I’m hoping that when I called the Monkey Bones shop they misunderstood me.
They told me that even if I had a parents consent, they wouldn’t tattoo me until I’m eighteen.
Glenn Scott’s shop told me they would tattoo with parental consent.
I’d like to go to Monkey Bones.
But I’ll settle for the Tattoo Team (Glenn Scott’s artists, obviously).
That’s it. A tattoo. A barcode tattoo.
And if the government ever requires us to get tagged in some way, I can say “Hey, I’ve already got MY tag, back off!”.
This is going to hurt, I don’t know when I’m going to do it, and I don’t have a price yet, but I’m definitely doing it before Easter.
I’ll do it on a Friday, though, so that I have Friday night, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday for it to heal a bit before I go to To-Shin Do and probably get it all scratched up. =P
And again I don’t care what anyone thinks. I’ve always wanted a barcode tattoo, and the only thing that was inspired by Hitman (The game, OH HAHAHAHA YOU JUST LOST) is the placement.
Goodbye, for now.
It’s not “just”
I don’t do “justs”
I was talking with a friend today and she was saying that she wished she could figure out what she wants to do as her “extra” thing. She’s homeschooled and she wants something else to do but she said she doesn’t want to “just” dance or “just” do martial arts or “just” take gymnastics or whatever.
Personally I think if it’s “just” whatever there’s no point in doing it. It’s got to be more than “just” that. If it’s not more, you’ve got a problem: either you, or what you’re doing, is not right and you need to fix it.
Irish dance, for me, was never “just” dance. It’s something that makes me feel alive. It makes me feel happy. I love the rush I get standing on a stage in front of people and watching their faces as they get lost in the dance. Then I get lost in the music and my feet take over. It’s thrilling and exhilarating. I feel free when I dance any kind of dance. The music makes me want to move.
To-Shin Do is my other thing that I like to do. That’s SO not “just” martial arts, it’s a whole life system. You aren’t “just” learning self defense. You’re learning self-control and discipline. You’re learning to read other people and to sense the things going on around you. You’re learning how to avoid violence whenever possible, and when it’s not possible, you’re learning how to have the best chance of walking away. You’re learning things that make a difference every day of your life and things that will last you the rest of your life. Even if I were to quit tomorrow, with my red belt, I have learned things that have changed who I am and things that will continue to change who I will become. Because of To-Shin Do, I know that every person I meet has something to teach me, they’re all role models, even if they think they aren’t. Even if they’re not teaching me something good, they’re still role models, I might look up to them and say “oh wow, don’t want to do that” but it’s still there.
All of life is a journey and you should never stop learning and reaching for the next goal. If your “extra” thing doesn’t inspire you to reach for more, you’re not doing the right thing for you. Find something that makes you better than you are and makes you want more, and don’t just do it because someone else does it, and you think it’ll make you popular and happy if you do it too. Different people like different things and I pity people who do something “just” because someone they know does it, or a famous person does it, or whatever. You’re not happy and people can see it. Don’t try to act like you are, change your reality, change your future, and most of all, change it to make YOU happy.
I haven’t made a post in a while…
I’m going to do a quick update on everything.
My birthday was yesterday, I turned sixteen years old. I heard from a ton of people how turning sixteen felt, and that they felt like new people the second the date changed. I really don’t feel it, it feels the same to me, and I don’t see it being any different, I’m sure over time it will, but it’s not an immediate thing for me.
In other birthday news, Vixie’s birthday is today, she is five years old today. :]
~
I’m doing pretty good in To-Shin Do, I’m now a red/white belt, I am a coach, and I’m working on my trainer patch and red belt. I plan to do To-Shin Do for as long as I can.
~
Dance is going pretty good as well. Right now I’ll admit that I’m not very confident, because my ankles are getting weaker and weaker, but I’m trying my best to keep my ankles as strong as possible.
~
Bonnie had a ranula when we got her back in January of 2007, and she got a surgery to remove it, well it came back and was HUGE. It got badly infected, the stuff in there looked like tomato juice. So the veterinarian kept her over night and put a drain in there, gave her antibiotics and the next day we were able to pick her up. Bonnie has been getting a twice daily pill and her drainage has changed from an orange/red color to a clear/yellow color.
Just today she’s been trying to rip it out of her neck, so I put a scarf on her. She isn’t happy. She has a vet visit on Thursday to see how she’s doing. With any luck the infection will be gone, and they can do a surgery to get rid of it again.
~
Recently I’ve been thinking about who my true friends are. I’ve realized who’s been my best friend over all the years, and I’m moving on from the ‘toxic’ friends. Do I think that I’ll be able to remove them from my friends list on Facebook right now? No. I don’t want to put any pressure on anyone right now.
But I do plan that by the end of the year, I will have talked it over with a couple of friends and family, and decided what I want to do, for my well-being.
So many times in my life I’ve done things to please others, and I’m through with it. I want to please myself for once. (Yeah, get your dirty jokes over with… 
) I want to make myself feel good, and make others feel good at the same time.
And so I think that by deleting these people from my life, I’ll be able to make them happy, because I won’t be in their life, and still make me happy, because they aren’t in mine.
And this isn’t just “Oh, we never talk anymore, I’m gonna delete you.” This is “I honestly feel like you hate me, I don’t much care for the person you’ve become, and you’re replacing me in your life. While we won’t be friends per se, I’ll always be here for you if you need something.
Whether it be to bail you out of jail if you get in trouble, or if you just need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll never abandon you, you just seem like you hate me. So I think we should move on.”
I’ll never fully abandon someone. That would be wrong, because in their time of need, most likely the people who they think will be there and have their backs, won’t be. And I’ll be the one with the peroxide, band-aids, and neosporin pulling out the knives and cleaning the wounds and putting on a rainbow butterfly band-aid.
This is something I want in my life, I want you to say something if you don’t want me to remove you, you may change my mind. I may not remove you. I think that if someone really cares about me, they should show it.
I don’t mean telling me that I’m a wonderful friend every day, and buying me flowers and always giving me a birthday present and Christmas present.
I mean by honestly acting like you care, spend time with me, instead of pushing me off to the side until you need advice or something, I’m all for being with my friends, I may not have the most flexible schedule of all time, but I do make myself available when I have the money to do stuff with my friends.
Even just sitting at home acting like fools, I don’t care. I’m all for that, I’ll sit and watch ten hours of tv with someone, I’ll go exercise with you if you want to, I’ll have a jam session with you (Even though I’m not good with instruments), I’ll dance with you, heck, I’ll teach you something I learned in To-Shin Do if you’re interested.
I don’t want to be pushed off to the side anymore, I’m taking control.
And the thing is, I don’t feel this way with my family, I feel like they honestly care about me, do they always get me presents? No, but they make up for it by hugging me when they see me, they make up for it by sending me a 95 cent card, they make up for it by spending time with me, they make up for it when they talk to me at all.
I just want these people to be like that. Is that really, truly, too much to ask for?
And again, if you think you are one of these people, step forward and ask me honestly, and I will tell you, honestly, what I feel when I talk to you. What I feel when you talk to me.
Anyhow.. Sorry for talking so much. If you’ve read this far, thank you.
Thank you for caring enough to read all of my ramblings.
