The Original Musings

First, be wary of who you rent to

When you rent to something like this, you kinda have to expect he’s going to be a freak, don’t you? This is Jesse Thornhill. He just got out of jail after posting $10,000 bond … he was nabbed for trying to run his landlord down following an argument.

Click on the photo to enlarge it to full size so you can appreciate the full grandeur of his “enhancements.”

The police report is on The Smoking Gun.

Second, umm … well …

When her 30-year old nanny failed to show up for work, the employer went to her London area home to see what was up.

She and a neighbor saw the nanny lying on her bed with her cat sitting on her chest. The coroner’s report explained that Nicola Paginton had experienced heart arrythmia brought on by her state of arousal due to her activity before death. She died while using a sex toy and watching porn on her laptop.

Kinda sucks for her family to get to read about this in the news.

Third, here is how to NOT sell your item on eBay

Is there any wonder this auction has no bidders?

The guy couldn’t even spring for free shipping — and look at the shipping terms on the auction too: he says he’ll ship it to you within 30-days of the payment clearing. ‘Scuse me, but if I pay that kind of money for something, you better ship it to me for free and you’d better ship it out to me the day my payment clears.

A few little things to tickle your fancy …

Justin Bieber:  I made the statement on FB that I would be perfectly content to never hear about Justin Bieber again. Stump sent me this link, for which I was going to smite him, but I wound up laughing too hard.

Zombies: Since no one was seriously injured, this one makes me giggle.

Barry: Aww, heck, it’s just his middle name!

[...] Wednesday, when confronted with the anxiety that some Israelis feel toward him, Obama said that “some of it may just be the fact that my middle name is Hussein, and that creates suspicion.”

“Ironically, I’ve got a Chief of Staff named Rahm Israel Emmanuel. My top political advisor is somebody who is a descendent of Holocaust survivors. My closeness to the Jewish American community was probably what propelled me to the U.S. Senate,” Obama said.

“I think that sometimes, particularly in the Middle East, there’s the feeling of the friend of my enemy must be my enemy, and the truth of the matter is that my outreach to the Muslim community is designed precisely to reduce the antagonism and the dangers posed by a hostile Muslim world to Israel and to the West,” Obama went on to say.

Obama added that he believed a peace agreement between Israel and the Palestinians could be achieved within his current term. “I think [Netanyahu] understands we’ve got a fairly narrow window of opportunity… We probably won’t have a better opportunity than we have right now. And that has to be seized. It’s going to be difficult.”

He cannot be that naive. I want whatever it is he’s smoking. Seriously. No, wait.  On second thought, I *don’t* want it.

More Barry:  Speaking of our Commander In Chief, he’s staying on top of that Gulf situation.  Honest.

* – You Can’t Make This Shit Up

Here’s a trio of quickies for your reading pleasure.  I ask you:  with news like this, who needs fiction?

Here’s one from the “you gotta be kidding me” files: The victim was wearing skinny jeans, therefore, she could not possibly have been raped.  You want to ask how the hell skinny jeans = not raped, don’t you?  Well, let me explain that for you. Nicholas Gonzales (23) and a 24-year old woman met for drinks in April 2008 and then returned to his house to listen to music. Gonzales claims they then had consensual sex together; the victim says she was raped. She testified that “I struggled to try to get up for a while and then he undid my jeans and he pulled them off.” An Australian jury acquitted Gonzales of rape because they accepted his attorney’s argument that he personally believed it would be “difficult for skinny jeans to be taken off by someone else unless the wearer’s assisting, collaborating, consenting.” [The Frisky]

This being a Census year, we’ve all been faced with the form demanding answers to the list of Census questions (which go well beyond the data they’re supposed to be entitled to — name of the head of household and a headcount for how many persons live there). Failure to complete the form will result in a Census worker being sent to your home to demand the answers in person, and failure to answer the worker will earn you not only a fine, but can also result in the application of ever-increasing “inconveniences” like suspension of mail delivery to pressure you into providing the information.  Now here’s something you may not have known:  Census workers – all of them, even the brand new temporary worker hired just to gather data — are empowered under federal law to actually demand access to any apartment or any other type of home or room that is rented out, in order to count persons in the abode and for “the collection of statistics.”  If the owner of your leased premises refuses to grant the Census worker access to your living quarters — whether you are home or not — the landlord himself will face sanctions and can be fined $500 per occurrence.  In addition, some Census workers are demanding — and receiving – private cell phone numbers from landlords in order to call tenants to try to obtain Census information.  [AJC - Bob Barr]

He’s the President of the United States … why should he have to honor the fallen at Arlington National Cemetery and lay a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier for Memorial Day?  Obama decided to skip out of DC and has gone home to Chicago for the long holiday weekend.  On Monday, instead of the Commander In Chief being at Arlington, he is scheduled to participate in a Memorial Day ceremony at Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery in Elwood, Illinois and Joe Biden will lay the wreath at Arlington instead.  But don’t worry, Obama will be back in plenty of time to preside over a June 2 ceremony at the White House, where Paul McCartney will be given the Gershwin Prize, a lifetime achievement award for contributions to pop music.  Glad to see he’s got his priorities straight. [GJSentinel] & [Spinner]

You should enjoy these!

A FOX News article tells how 7,500 people sold their souls because they didn’t read the fine print.

A computer game retailer revealed that it legally owns the souls of thousands of online shoppers, thanks to a clause in the terms and conditions agreed to by online shoppers.

The retailer, British firm GameStation, added the “immortal soul clause” to the contract signed before making any online purchases earlier this month. It states that customers grant the company the right to claim their soul.

“By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk or one of its duly authorised minions.”

GameStation’s form also points out that “we reserve the right to serve such notice in 6 (six) foot high letters of fire, however we can accept no liability for any loss or damage caused by such an act. If you a) do not believe you have an immortal soul, b) have already given it to another party, or c) do not wish to grant Us such a license, please click the link below to nullify this sub-clause and proceed with your transaction.”

The terms of service were updated on April Fool’s Day as a gag, but the retailer did so to make a very real point: No one reads the online terms and conditions of shopping, and companies are free to insert whatever language they want into the documents. [...]

The company noted that it would not be enforcing the ownership rights, and planned to e-mail customers nullifying any claim on their soul.

A surprising (at least to me) 88% of shoppers did not check the box which would have negated the soul-selling whilst keeping the transaction. That’s scary. I’m guess I’m anal or something because I actually DO read all the fine print. I almost got burned one time on eBay when I didn’t read all the terms and conditions of the sale which stated that if the winning bid was under a certain figure the postage and handling for the $10 item was $99. Since then, I go looking for crap in the fine print before I virtually sign on the dotted line.

From Hit & Run comes this notice of a challenge: the First Annual Everybody Draw Mohammed day, to be specific. Michael writes:

Via Dan Savage’s blog at The Stranger, some clever chappie (I don’t know who) has declared May 20, 2010 “Everybody Draw Mohammed Day,” in support of Matt Stone and Trey Parker and in opposition to religious thuggery.  [...]

I will be employing my tremendous skill as an illustrator, of course, and expect that my colleagues will do the same. If they refuse, they will be declared weak-kneed, namby-pamby, quisling infidels and will be shamed on this blog (Though such idle threats rarely work these days; perhaps I could threaten them with a painful death, which seems to do the trick). If readers would like to show their solidarity, please email your Mohammed masterpieces to me here: [obscured by me - go to his site to get the address, I don't want to contribute any fodder for spambots! I already admitted I'm paranoid about crap like this.] The best ones will be published on Hit & Run, which, along with the concomitant death threat, is reward enough.

I have to confess, I’m kind of surprised by Comedy Central pulling the episode. I didn’t realize they were that wimpy. You can’t honestly tell me there haven’t been dozens upon dozens of more offensive South Park episodes — why weren’t they pulled? I’ll tell you why: because Censorship = BAD. Shame on Comedy Central for caving.

Finally, you’ll get a kick out of this one … From the BBC News, an interesting little typo occurred on one page of a cookbook. Seems that although almost every recipe in the cookbook called for “salt and freshly ground black pepper,” one recipe had a tiny faux pas …

An Australian publisher has had to pulp and reprint a cookbook after one recipe listed “salt and freshly ground black people” instead of black pepper.

Penguin Group Australia had to reprint 7,000 copies of Pasta Bible last week, the Sydney Morning Herald has reported.

The reprint cost A$20,000 ($18,000; £12,000), but stock in bookshops will not be recalled as it is “extremely hard” to do so, Penguin said. [...]

The publisher professed amazement as to why anybody would be offended by the “silly mistake” but has assured that anyone who complains will be offered a replacement of the corrected edition. Has this dude read a newspaper lately?  Does he not realize how tight people’s knickers are wadded these days?  Personally, mind you, I’d like to get hold of one of the misprints!

If so, you may want to have a look at this

If you bought a lawn mower between January 1, 1994 and April 12, 2010 (which is still four days away), you may be entitled to participate in a settlement from a class action lawsuit.

Apparently the manufacturers did some fibbing about horsepower and now they have to pay off to the tune of $35 per walk-behind mower and $75 per ride ‘em mower.

From the site:

Your lawnmower is included if your engine was manufactured by:

Briggs & Stratton
Honda
Kawasaki
Kohler
Tecumseh
Toro

Or, your lawnmower is included if your lawnmower was manufactured by:

Deere
EHP
Honda
Husqvarna
MTD
Sears
Toro

Brands manufactured by these companies include, but are not limited to:

Yard-Man, Cub Cadet, Honda, Bolens, Exmark, Deere, Sabre, Scotts, Toro, Yard Machines, Craftsman, Troy Bilt, Husqvarna, Poulan, Poulan PRO, Lawn-Boy, Weed Eater, White Outdoor, Snapper, Simplicity, Brute, Murray, and other brands.

You can find out more here: lawnmowerclass.com

… from the Mutt Lange School of Boneheaded Moves by Dumbass Men

Mutt Lange left the lady on the left — Shania Twain (and that’s not even a particularly good picture of her) — for the lady on the right, who was a former friend of Shania’s and the Lange’s (likewise married) housekeeper. Mutt’s decision left men (and women) all over the world going “dude, what’s wrong with you?”

Tiger Woods fooled around with a dozen or more women despite being married to a beautiful woman (it would take too much space to try to post all the pictures of his many mistresses). And in fairness to Tiger at least most of his were decent looking. And he apparently made it crystal clear to each of them that he wasn’t going to leave his wife and marry them or anything like that. Does that mitigate it at all?

Jesse James used to be married to a tattoo’d porn star who just got out of jail and he is currently (probably not for a whole lot longer!) married to one of the prettiest women in the world, Sandra Bullock. Sandy recently helped her husband win custody of his young daughter with his former wife. You’d think that might earn her a little bit of loyalty if nothing else, but James has apparently taken some lessons from Mutt Lange and has jumped feet first into the world of down-trading. This phenomena is often referred to as nature reasserting things the way they were meant to be — white trash will always sink to the bottom, and it’s a shame Sandra Bullock forgot that when she married some.

Dropping the rest of this under the fold so I don’t have to keep looking at the photos of the skanks. There’s some updates under there too!

Read the rest of this entry »

No one was hurt, so I find this freaking hilarious

I suppose if someone had been hurt, then it wouldn’t be quite so comical. But since there were no injuries …

The floor of a Weight Watchers clinic in Växjö in south central Sweden collapsed on Wednesday night beneath a group of about 20 participants in the weight-loss programme.

The Weight Watchers participants had gathered in the group’s facilities to see how much weight they had lost.

The answer to their question: Not enough.

The Local: Sweden’s News in English

Or the brass balls award, not sure which

This is from the news on DSL Reports ..

Jennifer Smith’s mother sadly died last year when she was hit by a driver who was distracted while talking on their cellphone. According to the New York Times, Smith is suing both Sprint and the maker of the cellphone (Samsung) for failing to adequately warn consumers of the dangers of driving while talking (or worse texting). “They should’ve told people from the beginning there was a real risk, and this would’ve never happened,” proclaims Smith. Unfortunately for her case, carriers have warned users — many manuals clearly referencing the dangers to consumers in addition to a number of carrier awareness campaigns. Carriers also obviously have no control over the stupidity of their customers post warning, which is why similar suits of this kind have been dismissed in the past.

Sorry about your Mom and all that, Jen, but umm … it’s not anyone’s fault but the guy that was using the cell phone while driving.  By the logic you’re trying to use, you should also be suing the car manufacturer for not making it known that if you used a cell phone whilst driving it may cause you to improperly operate the vehicle.

Say, you know … it sure sounds like Jen needs a lawyer.  We should send her ™ — they’d make a great team.

Linda D. sent this one along

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

TRADITIONAL VERSION:

This one is a little different… 2 different versions, with 2 different morals.

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself and your family!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

NOW…

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green.’

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, ‘We shall overcome.’ Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Ant Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ants food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote!!!